Photography is not like physics, maths, chemistry or languages. All these things have an objective answer, a right, and a wrong. It might not be clear, but it certainly is there.
Creative processes don't have this. There is no objective difference between a good photo, and a bad one. Of course there are technical benchmarks, which are also the main things being taught, but everything else is a matter of choice - a matter of beauty.
I'm not the first one to realise this, nor is it unexpected in any way. But the matter still remains that the artistic quality of my work seems intricately linked to my sense of myself.
Achieving a specific result is not hard if you know exactly what you want. The hard part is getting to know what you want, and implied in that: what is beautiful, and what is not.
Neither is it any news that our opinions are largely shaped by precedent: we have our arche-types, and they evoke emotions at will. The kind of thing that Jung and www.tvtropes.org will be most happy to explain.
The case that bothered me was my first serious attempt at the third assignment of studio photography: an elegant photo.
The basic idea was a woman lying on her side, with as background the folds of a curtain-like textile. This as I'd be working in B/W and wanted to work with textures mainly.
I start, and dislike the pose: it looks too stilted. Somewhere later I have the idea to turn the photo's 90 degrees, to simulate that she's leaning against a corner, but still retain the free flowing of her hair. I work with it for a while, mess around a lot with details, and finally call it a day.
At home I select the photo's, am reasonably happy with them, but can't select the best one. Instead I shortlist five of them, for five different reasons.
Later, at school, I'm told that not only was the pose not quite elegant, but the lighting blew as well, and the model's face is in a half shadow - I'd best redo the shoot.
Not exactly that surprising, as after all I'm studying, and am supposed to learn from my mistakes.
What bothers me however, is that I never saw it myself, but that I did - in hindsight of course - recall the vague sense of unease I had while shortlisting the photo's. The endless modding with the details, the shortlisting, it all felt like that I knew the whole time that it all didn't add up to a good photo, and I ignored it all the way to the classroom.
Not only did I subconsciously go for one of the oldest depictions of female beauty in the book (Venus lying on her side), but I also ignored instinct repeatedly telling me that something was wrong.
In the end I guess it'll just be another of my good resolutions: to question my motives, dig through my subconsciousness, and make myself realise at every step what basic tropes I'm working with, instead of just running on autopilot and hoping I end up at the right place if I face the right direction when starting.
That and actually taking the advice given by the Iranian teacher at art school - but that's a story for another time.
